The Elite College Regular Decision Country Club Conversational Etiquette

GayToday 'Not Easy BeinGAY!'
3 min readMar 29, 2021


Ask E. Jean…

Hey Girlfriends! What is the good word these days? Did your genius get accepted to their #1 choice college?

Regular Decisions Rolling In

You betcha baby! Parents are learning which colleges accepted and rejected their offspring. As I reported in previous articles, there will be a record number of shattered egos this year. I am talking parents, not their kids.

It will be a real shiat show. I can’t even imagine. If junior does not get accepted to Harvard, what was the point of the years of groveling to get your kid accepted to an elite nursery school, paying private school tuition, the donations, the tutors, the tennis lessons, yada yada yada. Really. All to go to a regular, no-name college. Oh, the shame of it all.

Slim to No Chance in Hell of Acceptance

Fuggetabout it! Most applicants will get rejected from their dream college. Way too many applicants, and simply not enough first year seats.

Hell yes, parents will be wanting to bury their heads in the sand. I predict mom and dad will not be bragging about the multiple elite colleges their kids got accepted to this year. In fact, they will be lucky if junior gets the nod from one top college.

Ivy League Decision Day

I know y’all are still waiting to hear from the Ivy League schools! The Ivy’s are allegedly releasing regular decision letters on April 6, 2021 at 7pm EST. However, word on the street is that at least one Ivy has notified accepted students. Shhhh.

Word travels fast, and I am confident desperate parents know which Ivy I am talking about.

Elite College Regular Decision Country Club Conversational Etiquette

When parents are at a fancy schmancy cocktail party at their swanky country club, they cannot be blindsided when other parents start chatting about college acceptances. Sadly, you can’t run away, however the best defense is a great offense. Know what to expect and be prepared. Follow these helpful hints:

1. Appearance is everything!

2. Remember, it is all about you! You, mama, need to look your best!

3. Make sure you are glammed up with Botox and filler.

4. Wear your COVID mask and sunglasses everywhere you go. A great aid to hide your emotions and not reveal your kid’s acceptance/rejection cards to your friends.

5. Play Stupid. You know nothing. Your kid has not heard from Columbia yet.

6. Drink any alcohol of your choice. Just sedate yourself.

7. Try to stay calm. Call my friend Linda and ask her for a klonopin.

8. Repeat After me, tell everyone ‘we still have not heard from the Ivy’s yet…”

9. When asked which colleges your kid has been accepted to, say ‘excuse me, I have to take this call’, and politely walk (not run) away!

This will all be over in a few days. When UCLA receives 140,000 regular decision applicants, all bets are off. Mama, you did the best you could.

Celebrate life! Cheers!

For additional insight on the college admissions process, please check out my book on Amazon!



GayToday 'Not Easy BeinGAY!'

A Forward Thinker. Humorist. Realist. Author of The Admissions Game, Application Cycle 2020–2021. A Very Former, Assistant District Attorney.