STAY POSITIVE, TEST NEGATIVE! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2022!

Happy New Year!

STAY POSITIVE, TEST NEGATIVE! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2022!

Sistahs and Brothas, can you believe it will be 2022? In my COVID induced time warp bubble, I am still stuck in 2019.

Y’all know that I am NOT the only person who feels this way.

Fear not my peeps! We shall prevail in 2022.

In truth, I am full of shiat, and have no idea what 2022 holds.

I am just tryin’ to stay positive. To be clear, to have a positive emotional outlook. I want to always have a negative COVID test!

If I do say so myself, I have become a bit of a self-proclaimed expert in the field of COVID Living. Hmmm…sounds like Gay’s Talkin’ Points for 2022.

I shall share just a few Words of Wisdom to welcome in yet another, COVID New Year.

COVID Living 2022 Tips

  1. Stay calm.
  2. Meditate to Stay Calm.
  3. Take Prozac (or any equivalent) to Stay Calm.
  4. When you leave your ‘inside world,’ your home, take a deep breath. Yes, this means my friend Fran in New York!

Mask-Up!

  1. In the ‘outside world,’ always wear an approved FDA mask/respirator that is an N95, KN95, KF94, 3-ply, no cotton, tight-fitting surgical/non-surgical mask.
  2. Always carry Purell, Alcohol (not vodka)- isopropyl alcohol you idiot, and Clorox/Lysol wipes.
  3. Goggles, gloves and booties are optional.

VAX Card

  1. Currently you must be triple vaccinated to mingle in the outside world.
  2. Always carry your Official/Legitimate/Lawful VAX Card in the outside world.
  3. You must download your State Digital Vaccine APP on your Cell Phone.
  4. Always carry a Photo-ID to verify your identity when you present your VAX CARD/Digital Record.

Crazy Peeps

  1. Understand the COVID outside world is filled with crazy peeps (don’t ya know that!).
  2. In the outside world, do not look at others. Stay focused, keep head down.
  3. Do not judge others in the outside world. This means you Fran, in New York.
  4. If you are in a store and observe a person who ‘dons’ a red baseball cap and does not wear a mask, you must look away! Keep walking straight. Under no circumstances are you to make eye contact.
  5. Carry the Dr. Fauci Bible at all times.
  6. Wear Garlic around your neck in the outside world. The garlic odor, coupled with the Fauci Bible and Surgical Mask will keep crazy people away a minimum distance of six feet.
  7. For people who are sensitive to odors, like my friend Fran in New York, if you do not wear garlic, carry a full size can of Lysol Spray. That should do the trick.

Sneezing

  1. Stay Away from anyone who Sneezes in any indoor spaces in the outside world.
  2. The Sneeze is the new fahrt…a sneeze in an indoor space, will cause a stampede.
  3. And remember…a mask can reduce your chances of getting COVID. For some reason, masks do not conceal a fahrt. Too bad.

Bathroom Etiquette Outside World

  1. Do not touch the door to the bathroom.
  2. Do not touch the door to the stall.
  3. Do not touch the toilet.
  4. Do not sit on the toilet.
  5. Do not touch the lever to flush the toilet.
  6. Do wash your hands with soap and water and sing happy birthday three times.
  7. Do not use ‘hand blow dryer’ — COVID spikes will spread everywhere. Drip-dry hands.
  8. And please, even if you are hyperventilating and can’t breathe while you are following all these ‘Do Not’ instructions while you are peeing, please, please, please, keep your mask on at all times.

Last, but not least, get your COVID Rapid Test Kits and store them in a cool-dry place in your home next to your paper towels and toilet paper! My friend Fran in New York has done this.

I wish everyone a very happy and healthy New Year. We can get through this COVID shiat together!

--

--

--

A Forward Thinker. Humorist. Realist. Author of The Admissions Game, Application Cycle 2020–2021. A Very Former, Assistant District Attorney. gaytoday.blog

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

Track Your Order with TMI Shipping Alerts!

That Baby’s got new clothes

I Would Watch You…

PREVIEW OF HATE, WEEK FIVE: ALOHA, SUCKERS

The Point Of No Return

LET’S PUT THE MAN IN MANICURE

T0 HIGH No More: All The License Plates Denied By The Oregon DMV In 2021

Santa Visits The Happy Honda Days Sales Event

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
GayToday 'Not Easy BeinGAY!'

GayToday 'Not Easy BeinGAY!'

A Forward Thinker. Humorist. Realist. Author of The Admissions Game, Application Cycle 2020–2021. A Very Former, Assistant District Attorney. gaytoday.blog

More from Medium

The Beach Is For All

A woman in a wheelchair enjoying the beach with family

What’s In A Headline?: Medical Misinformation

Social media has contributed to medical misinformation in the COVID-19 pandemic.

A Year of Promoting The People Who Make the Things I Love: Jan 7–Dan Telfer

A​m I Eating Because I’m Bored?