Part I

RED HOT MAMA: OSCAR MOVES!

Oscar Countdown!

The countdown to the Oscars has started! Nine days to go!

As I live and breathe in Beverly Hills, the Oscars is the news of the day! Yes, talk of the Oscars trumps topics such as perfect LA weather; perfect personal appearance; the best salad; and how many new Rolls Royce SUVs were spotted in town today.

I will be attending the show ‘virtually’ this year! I am so excited, I could literally run-down Rodeo Drive with my mask off!

So much to do, so little time! I don’t know about you girlfriends, but I am going to be so red-hot that I will be the envy of Nicole, J-Lo, Khloe, blah, blah blah. Just wait till they see all my selfies on Instagram.

Oh wait, they won’t. I only have 3 followers. No tears; can’t a girl dream?

The Catwalk

I am a bona-fide klutz. The GODdess (the divine heavenly ruler), may have blessed me with natural beauty, however, gracefulness is not one of my strengths.

Walking into walls, sliding across slick floors in high heels is more my speed. Fear not! I have been practicin’ in my living room in these ‘gotta have it’ 4-inch stilettos. You betcha baby, I am not playin’ games. I pulled out the Jimmy Choo heels for this occasion.

The good news is that I have not fallen down…yet. Mind you, these are slippery floors. When I practice my strut on my pretend catwalk, I mutter to myself, “Gay, take baby steps”.

Make-up

This my friends, is a totally different story. Really. What can I do with this face? What are my beauty options after wearing a mask for over a year?

On Monday, I will be visiting my dermatologist Dr. Karyn Grossman. Word in the hood is that she is the beauty doctor to the stars. I have seen her for years, even though I am clearly not a star.

And I must say, she is a magician. She can make a line on your face disappear. Like OMG, wow!

What a waste going to law school. I Should have been a dermatologist. Instead of hosting dinner parties and cooking for my fully vaccinated friends, I could serve Botox and Juvéderm. Maybe then I could have more followers on social media?

Physique AKA: Body

Well, hello. With only 9 days to go to be Oscar ready, there is not too much time to flatten that stomach, lift that tush, push-up those tits.

Oh wait, I don’t have tits. Hallelujah for Victoria Secret super-padded-push-up-give-me tits bra.

Stay tuned for my RED HOT MAMA catwalk preparation. This is a multi-part series! Miracles do not happen overnight in Gay’s World!