Mar 8, 2021
VACCINE COCKTEASE
GAY’S CONCIERGE COVID VACCINE SERVICE
Your Beckon Call Girl!
Welcome to Gay’s Concierge COVID Vaccine Service! We make dreams come true.
You know it sister — it is impossible to score a COVID vaccine. Welcome to Gay’s World! In addition to my COVID responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, pandering to my husband and children, and coping with menopause, I now have a side hustle.
I need to earn cash for shopping at TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack!
I am your personal COVID Vaccine Concierge Coordinator. These are desperate times, which call for desperate measures. Everyone wants a vaccine, but you can’t get one. And when you know someone got a vaccine, then you want one even more!
Vaccine Cocktease
The Merriam-Webster definition of cocktease is “someone who excites a male sexually and then refuses intercourse”.
First, bravo to Merriam-Webster for not assigning gender to the cockteaser. In the past, women were labeled as the cockteaser. We have progressed as a society!
Did anyone ever think that the COVID vaccine is a cocktease? I do all the time. It is not that I have sex on my mind all the time. Not these days, thanks to menopause.
However, the only wait out of this COVID hell is to get a vaccine.
All my friends feel the same way. So, what is the problem you ask? Each U.S. state sets forth specific vaccine eligibility criteria. First you have to meet these eligibility requirements. You think that is easy? Hell no!
If you are 85 years old, it is a slam dunk to get a vaccine in every state in the U.S. That is fantastic. However, if you are 64 years old and have cancer, you are eligible for the vaccine in New York, but NOT in California. And you are not allowed to vaccine shop from state to state, because there are state residency requirements. Only in America, right?
The other problem is scheduling an appointment. As we all know, old geezers are totally not computer savvy. And then there are the ‘younger peeps’. Yes, they live on the internet, however, they have no patience whatsoever.
When your state gives you the mafia nod that you are eligible for a COVID vaccine, then you have to figure out the ‘how to find and schedule a vaccine online’. I have two words for everyone: Good Luck.
Good Luck in finding an appointment. All locations always post ‘no appointments available’. Which is a total turn-off, and everyone just gives up trying to get an appointment.
In Gay’s world, I took matters into my own hands, and the COVID Vaccine Concierge was born. Family and friends could not get a COVID appointment, and it certainly was not for lack of trying.
In nearly two months, I have secured countless vaccine appointments on both coasts of the U.S. It is a relentless process, but we must stop the spread of this insidious virus. Hey, I even scored a shot for someone when I went to the bathroom at 3:00 in the morning. It is a good thing I pee every two hours in the middle of the night!
What do I get out of working 24/7 to find vaccine appointments? I get peace of mind knowing I helped another human being. Telling a friend, family member, acquaintance they have a COVID vaccine appointment is like giving them a million dollars. Really. Everyone is overwhelmed with sheer happiness. They just want to live a full life once again.
The truth is, I refuse to get screwed by this COVID vaccine cockteaser.
I am fed up with quarantine, social-distancing, and not being with the people I love. However, COVID has come in handy as a great excuse to avoid seeing people you can’t stand!
Please, get vaccinated, wear a mask, and pray for a normal summer. I want my old geezer parents who are in their 80s to participate in my son’s graduation from college this spring. The graduation was canceled, but hopefully, we can be under one roof as a family at my home to celebrate life and all it has to offer.
